Imagine ... you are at work, and during a meeting, your manager says, “I think this project could’ve been handled better. The results aren’t quite what we were aiming for.” Immediately, a sinking feeling sets in. Your mind races—did I fail? Did they mean me specifically? What’s everyone else thinking?
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Someone says something critical, and it feels like a personal attack. But here’s the thing: more often than not, it’s not about you as a person. It’s about the situation, the work, or just how someone’s feeling at that moment.
Learning how not to take things personally is a skill that can make life a lot less stressful and a lot more enjoyable. Whether it’s a passing comment, a professional critique, or even an insensitive remark, changing the way you interpret others’ words can save you from unnecessary hurt. Let’s explore some longer, more detailed scenarios and strategies to help you navigate criticism in both social and professional settings.
Scenario 1: A Friend Makes an Offhand Comment
Picture this: you’re out with a group of friends, sharing an embarrassing story about a mishap you had recently—maybe you spilled coffee all over your work desk or got lost on the way to a party. Everyone laughs, but then one of your friends adds, “Wow, you’re always doing stuff like that, aren’t you?” The laughter lingers, but you suddenly feel a little self-conscious. You wonder, Do they think I’m a mess? Is this how they see me all the time?
How to Look at It Differently:
Before letting the comment ruin your mood, take a step back. Ask yourself: Was their intention really to hurt me? Most of the time, friends make these comments to connect or add to the joke. They’re not trying to mock you.
A good way to respond might be to laugh along and say, “Yep, keeping life interesting as always!” By joining in on the humour, you show you’re not offended. But if it really bothers you, it’s okay to address it later. You could say, “Hey, I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but that comment made me feel a bit self-conscious.” A true friend will appreciate your honesty and likely apologise.
Scenario 2: Receiving Constructive Feedback at Work
You’ve just wrapped up a presentation at work. You thought it went pretty well—your slides were clear (at least you thought so), and you spoke confidently. Afterward, however, a colleague says, “I think your slides were a bit cluttered, and the message got lost in places.” Suddenly, the confidence you felt earlier evaporates, and you’re left wondering, Did I do that poorly? Do they think I’m bad at my job? What if this affects how my boss sees me?
How to Look at It Differently:
Feedback at work isn’t about tearing you down—it’s about improving the final outcome. Your colleague’s comment isn’t about you as a person; it’s about the presentation itself. Detach your ego from the work and focus on what you can learn.
A great way to respond is with curiosity: “Thanks for pointing that out. Do you have any suggestions for how I can make it clearer next time?” By showing that you’re open to improvement, you demonstrate professionalism and a growth mindset. Remember, no one gets everything perfect on the first try—it’s all about learning and adapting.
Scenario 3: Receiving Harsh Feedback on an Assignment (as a Student)
You’ve poured your heart and soul into an essay. You stayed up late for days, researching, drafting, and revising. When the grades come back, the professor’s comments feel like a punch to the gut: “Your arguments are weak, and your writing lacks structure.” You feel deflated, thinking, Did they even notice how hard I worked? Am I just not good enough for this subject?
How to Look at It Differently:
Academic feedback is rarely personal. Professors have one goal: to help you improve. They’re not critiquing your effort or your worth—they’re pointing out specific areas where your work can grow stronger. Instead of focusing on the negative, look for actionable insights.
For example, you could reach out to your professor and say, “Thank you for your feedback. I’d appreciate it if you could explain how I can make my arguments more compelling next time.” This shows you’re proactive and eager to improve, which is exactly what learning is all about. Remember, every piece of feedback is a stepping stone toward becoming better at what you do.
Scenario 4: Being Overshadowed in a Group Project
You’ve been working hard on a group project for weeks, and it’s finally presentation day. When it’s time to share the credit, one team member seems to dominate the conversation. They say, “I put in a lot of effort to make this happen,” and go on to describe their role in great detail—without mentioning what you or others contributed. You sit there, feeling invisible and undervalued. You think, Don’t they know how much I did? Why didn’t anyone stand up for me?
How to Look at It Differently:
Group dynamics can sometimes be messy. Some people naturally gravitate toward the spotlight, but that doesn’t mean they’re intentionally ignoring your efforts. Instead of stewing in silence, focus on making your contributions visible.
After the presentation, you might say to your team or the supervisor, “I’m really glad the project was a success. Just so it’s clear, here’s what I worked on to help bring it all together.” By calmly asserting your contributions, you avoid confrontation while ensuring your efforts are acknowledged.
Scenario 5: Facing Rejection as a Jobseeker
After weeks of searching, you’ve finally landed an interview for your dream job. The interview seems to go well—you answered the questions confidently and felt a good rapport with the panel. A few days later, however, you receive a generic rejection email: “We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.” It feels like a personal blow. You think, What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t they pick me?
How to Look at It Differently:
Job rejections are rarely personal. Employers have to weigh all kinds of factors, including team dynamics, budget constraints, and the specific skills they need at that time.
Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, see if you can gain some insights. You might reply to the recruiter, “Thank you for letting me know. I’d really appreciate any feedback you can share to help me in future applications.” Even if they don’t provide specifics, each rejection is a learning experience that brings you closer to the right opportunity.
Scenario 6: Being Criticised by an Investor
You’ve just pitched your business idea to a potential investor. You’re passionate and excited, but they cut straight to the chase: “Your numbers don’t add up, and I don’t think this idea is sustainable.” It feels like they’re tearing your dream apart. You think, Do they think I’m a failure? What if I can’t do this?
How to Look at It Differently:
Investors are blunt because they need to assess risk. Their critique isn’t about you—it’s about ensuring the business idea has a solid foundation. Instead of taking their words personally, see them as an opportunity to refine your approach.
You might respond, “Thank you for your honesty. Could you help me understand which aspects of the plan feel unrealistic? I’d love to address those concerns.” By staying calm and open-minded, you not only improve your idea but also demonstrate resilience—a quality every investor values.
Scenario 7: Cultural Misunderstandings
You’re collaborating with a colleague from a different culture, and during a brainstorming session, they say, “That’s not how we do things here. Your approach doesn’t make sense.” Their tone is abrupt, and you can’t help but feel dismissed.
How to Look at It Differently:
Cultural differences often influence how people communicate. What might sound blunt to you could be their way of being direct, not dismissive. Instead of feeling offended, get curious.
You could respond, “I’d love to understand how you approach this. Could you explain what works best for you?” By seeking clarification, you not only improve collaboration but also gain valuable insights into their perspective.
Scenario 8: You have a Disability and Receive Insensitive Comments
You have a visible disability, and someone at work says, “I don’t know how you manage to do this job. It must be so hard for you.” While they might mean well, their comment feels patronising and dismissive of your abilities.
How to Look at It Differently:
Insensitive comments often come from ignorance rather than malice. Instead of letting it get under your skin, use it as an opportunity to educate.
You could calmly respond, “I manage just fine, thank you. Everyone has strengths and challenges, and I focus on what I can do.” By addressing the comment with confidence, you set boundaries and challenge stereotypes without escalating the situation.
10 Tips for Not Taking Things Personally
Practice Detachment: Picture yourself as an observer. If someone says something critical, imagine it’s directed at a character in a movie, not you. This helps create emotional distance.
Keep Perspective: Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a week, a month, or a year?” Most of the time, the answer is no. Letting go of small stuff saves your energy for what matters.
Focus on Intent: Most people don’t intend to hurt you—they’re often just expressing their own thoughts or feelings. Assume good intent unless proven otherwise. When you do this, their words don’t carry the same weight.
Don’t Overgeneralise: Criticism about one aspect of your work or behaviour doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a whole. Separate the feedback from your identity. If someone says your presentation wasn’t clear, they’re addressing that one moment, not your entire capability or character.
Develop a Strong Sense of Self: When you know who you are and are confident in your abilities, others’ opinions lose their power. Spend time focusing on what makes you unique and capable, and remember your value is not defined by a single comment or criticism.
Learn to Laugh at Yourself: A sense of humour can disarm any uncomfortable moment. If you can laugh at your quirks or slip-ups, they lose their power to embarrass you. Next time someone pokes fun at something you did, smile and say, "Well, I guess I make life more interesting, don't I?"
Choose Your Inner Dialogue: We often make things worse by turning one piece of criticism into a whole story of personal failure. Replace negative self-talk with affirmations like, “I’m always learning and growing.” Your inner voice can be your biggest ally in keeping things in perspective.
Set Boundaries: Not all feedback is helpful or delivered in a respectful manner. If someone’s criticism is consistently unfair or dismissive, it’s okay to step back and limit interactions with them. By setting boundaries, you protect your mental wellbeing and avoid unnecessary emotional exhaustion.
Seek Clarification: If you’re unsure whether a comment was meant to be critical, ask for more information. “Could you clarify what you mean by that?” helps open up a conversation and prevents you from making assumptions. It often turns out that the comment was not as negative as it first seemed.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself when criticism hits. Everyone makes mistakes and faces rejection. The key is not to beat yourself up about it. Instead, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you’re doing your best, and use the situation as a chance to grow.
The Takeaway
The common thread in all these scenarios is that most criticism isn’t about you—it’s about the situation, the other person’s perspective, or external circumstances. By reminding yourself of this, you can create a mental buffer between their words and your feelings. Taking things less personally doesn’t mean ignoring feedback. It means approaching situations with curiosity and confidence, learning where you can, and letting the rest go.
So, next time someone’s words hit a nerve, pause and ask: What’s really going on here? Most of the time, you’ll realise it has nothing to do with you. Stay strong, stay curious, and be kind to yourself. You’ve got this!
If you know someone who might find this helpful, don’t keep it to yourself—please share it.
You never know how much of a difference it could make in someone’s life.
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