Imagine ... a colleague offers you a promotion that sounds too good to be true. The role is described as a career-defining opportunity, something that will catapult you to the top of your field. But as you settle into the position, you realise the job is overwhelming, under-supported, and the “opportunity” feels more like a trap than a springboard. The colleague, meanwhile, seems to benefit from your struggles by stepping in as the hero or using you as a scapegoat for pre-existing problems.
This is just one example of how seemingly positive gestures can come with strings attached or hidden motives. Life isn’t always what it seems, and it’s crucial to recognise that not everyone operates with pure intentions. Generosity, praise, and offers of help can sometimes mask hidden agendas designed to benefit the giver more than the recipient.
In this article, I would like to focus on seven real-life examples of actions that seemed kind but carried ulterior motives. I will also provide 10 practical tips to help you spot and navigate these situations with confidence.
1. The “Dream Job” That’s a Nightmare
Imagine a mentor enthusiastically tells you, “This job will transform your career!” They even go out of their way to connect you with the right people. It feels like a selfless act of support—until you realise their true motivation.
A friend of mine once accepted such an opportunity, only to discover the company was in turmoil, and her mentor had recommended her because they needed someone competent to handle the fallout. Essentially, she was being used to patch up a sinking ship without full disclosure of the challenges.
Tip: Before accepting opportunities, ask detailed questions: Why is the role vacant? What’s the company’s history with this position? Look for signs that you’re being brought in as a quick fix or scapegoat.
2. The Gift That’s a Trap
Ever received an expensive or unexpected gift? It feels nice, doesn’t it? But sometimes, generosity comes with invisible strings.
I once accepted concert tickets from a neighbour who claimed they couldn’t use them. A week later, they asked me to pet-sit their dog for a month while they travelled abroad. In hindsight, the “gift” wasn’t altruistic—it was a strategic way to make me feel indebted.
Tip: Be wary of disproportionate generosity. Ask yourself: What might this person expect in return? Real kindness is given without expectation.
3. A Strategic Promotion
In the corporate world, promotions often come with hidden agendas. Take the example of a junior manager asked to lead a “high-priority project.” It’s presented as a vote of confidence, but the real reason could be less flattering.
A colleague of mine was offered such a role, only to discover that senior management needed someone to take the fall if the project failed. When it did, she bore the brunt of the blame, while her boss walked away unscathed.
Tip: Scrutinise new roles carefully. Ask: Who benefits if this succeeds—or fails? Am I being set up for success, or am I a buffer for someone else’s mistakes?
4. The “Generous” Corporate Collaboration
Big corporations often approach smaller businesses with offers to “collaborate.” While it might look like an act of goodwill, the reality can be far less rosy.
Tech startups, for instance, are frequently approached by larger firms looking to “partner.” In many cases, the big corporation absorbs intellectual property, poaches talent, or ultimately acquires the smaller company at a fraction of its potential value.
Tip: Before entering a partnership, ask: What’s the power dynamic here? Who stands to gain more in the long run? Protect your intellectual property and negotiate clear boundaries.
5. Flattery as a Tool for Exploitation
Flattery is a classic tool for manipulation in the workplace. A manager might say, “You’re the only one I trust with this task,” appealing to your ego while subtly offloading work they don’t want to do.
I knew someone who constantly received praise for their ability to handle tough projects. They thought it meant they were valued, but it was just a way to overburden them without fair recognition or compensation.
Tip: Don’t let praise blind you. Evaluate whether the workload, money and credit are distributed fairly.
6. Djokovic and Murray: Coaching with a Hidden Agenda
It’s a well-known fact that Novak Djokovic hired his former rival, Andy Murray, as his coach this year. On the surface, this seems like a gracious recognition of Murray’s expertise and a surprising collaboration. But am I the only one to think there might be more to this partnership than what we’re being shown? Djokovic is on a mission to surpass Roger Federer’s record and solidify his legacy as the greatest tennis player of all time.
While Murray’s vast experience and strategic insight are undoubtedly valuable, could there be a deeper, more calculated reason behind this move? Murray’s intimate knowledge of the game—particularly the mental and tactical aspects—could give Djokovic a fresh perspective and an edge over his competition. But it’s not just about strategy; this partnership could also be about timing. The buzz around Wimbledon is massive, and if Djokovic were to win at Wimbledon under Murray’s guidance, it would create an unparalleled PR moment. Imagine Djokovic thanking Murray on British soil, amplifying the achievement in a way that resonates deeply with fans, both in the UK and worldwide.
So, while this partnership might look like a mutual respect between two seasoned players, is it also a carefully orchestrated strategy to create media buzz and help Djokovic continue his pursuit of greatness? It’s definitely a move worth questioning, considering the stakes of legacy, competition, and the strategic value of Murray’s influence.
Tip: In high-stakes scenarios, always ask: What does each party gain from this alliance? How does it serve their broader goals? Public gestures often mask private ambitions.
7. Celebrities and Charitable Acts
When celebrities donate to charities or launch philanthropic ventures, it’s easy to assume they’re driven by altruism. But timing and context often tell a different story.
For example, when a major actor donated millions to an environmental cause right after being accused of workplace harassment, the donation conveniently shifted public focus from the allegations. The act of kindness doubled as a PR strategy to rebuild their tarnished reputation.
Tip: Analyse the timing of publicised generosity. If it coincides with controversy, consider whether it’s more about damage control than genuine concern.
10 Tips to Spot Hidden Agendas
Ask “Why Now?”
Timing can be a critical factor in spotting hidden motives. If someone suddenly offers you something or changes their behaviour at a particular moment, it’s important to consider the timing and context. Is there a reason they are approaching you at this particular juncture? Often, ulterior motives are linked to a specific event or circumstance, so take note of what’s happening around the gesture.Follow the Benefits
Think about who benefits the most from the situation. If the action or offer disproportionately favours someone else or serves their interests more than yours, there’s likely an agenda at play. When evaluating any gesture, always ask: What does this person stand to gain from it? People who truly have your best interests at heart won’t benefit more than you in an unfair way.Look for Patterns
People’s past behaviour can reveal their true intentions. If someone has a history of offering help or making promises that ultimately benefit themselves, their current actions may be part of a broader pattern. Pay attention to recurring behaviours—those who are consistently manipulative will usually follow the same blueprint. If it’s the first time someone is making a grand gesture, still consider their general track record.Probe for Details
The more evasive someone is when asked about specifics, the more likely they are hiding something. If a gesture seems too broad or general, ask for details and clarifications. A transparent person should be willing to offer specifics about their offer or intention. If they’re vague or defensive when probed, it’s an indication they may not be telling the whole story.Evaluate the Scale of Generosity
Generosity that feels disproportionate can be a sign that someone is trying to buy your loyalty or manipulate you. If the offer feels too grand or excessive compared to the relationship you have with the person, it could be an attempt to create a sense of obligation. Generosity should feel natural and in proportion to the situation, not like a way to bind you into an arrangement.Trust Neutral Observers
Sometimes we can be too close to a situation to objectively evaluate it. Seek the perspective of someone who has no stake in the matter, whether it’s a friend, colleague, or mentor. An outsider’s opinion can provide clarity and help you see things from a different angle, allowing you to spot potential hidden motives you might have missed.Stay Emotionally Detached
Manipulators often use emotional appeal—like guilt, flattery, or playing on your fears—to cloud your judgment. If you feel overly emotional or pressured by someone’s kindness, take a step back and reassess the situation logically. Emotional manipulation can distort your perception of what’s truly going on, so maintaining emotional distance helps you make clearer decisions.Beware of Guilt Trips
If someone is trying to make you feel guilty for questioning their motives or actions, it's a classic manipulation tactic. Genuine gestures of kindness don’t demand that you feel obligated or guilty. If you’re being guilt-tripped into complying, take it as a red flag that the person is trying to control or coerce you into something that benefits them more than you.Watch for Power Imbalances
Be wary of situations where the other party holds more power, resources, or influence than you. When there’s an obvious power imbalance, it’s easier for someone to manipulate the situation to their advantage. Make sure you have enough leverage or autonomy to make decisions without significant pressure. If the balance seems off, consider whether the other party is using their position to manipulate you.Question Public Gestures
When acts of generosity or kindness are publicly broadcasted—whether through social media, press releases, or other forms of publicity—question the timing and the motivation behind them. Public gestures can often be strategic, aiming to create a particular image or shift public perception. Genuine acts of kindness are typically private, without an agenda to generate attention or positive PR.
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