Imagine ... you are out with friends on a Friday night. You’ve had a long week, and all you want is a few laughs, a drink or two, and to maybe have a little dance. You put on your best outfit, style your hair, and do your makeup just right. You feel confident, fun, and free - as you should. But then, as the night progresses, you notice unwanted stares, a man won’t take the hint, and before long you feel uncomfortable, watched, maybe even unsafe.
Sadly, many women know this feeling all too well. Whether you're just trying to have a good time or you're hoping to meet someone genuine, there's a fine line between catching the right kind of attention - and attracting the wrong kind of man.
This article isn’t about telling women how to dress or behave out of shame or blame - far from it. It's about understanding how to protect yourself, recognise red flags, and feel empowered while making informed choices about the signals you might be sending - whether intentionally or not.
Understanding What You’re Really Attracting
Some men are drawn to confidence, kindness, intellect — qualities that foster healthy connections. Others, however, are predators, seeking vulnerability, silence, submission, or even chaos. Unfortunately, the latter don’t need much encouragement. The goal here is to make yourself less of a target, not to change who you are.
We live in a time where women are encouraged to “own their sexuality”, which is powerful — but it also comes with risks if not paired with awareness. Knowing what is appropriate in different settings isn’t about oppression, it’s about smart, strategic living.
Clothing: Fashion vs. Function
There’s nothing wrong with dressing up and feeling beautiful. But when your outfit crosses the line from confident to provocative, especially in environments like bars, clubs, or unfamiliar social scenes, it can signal openness to the wrong kind of attention.
Clothes to Think Twice About:
Very short skirts or dresses that ride up easily can make you seem more vulnerable or approachable to the wrong man.
Deep plunging necklines draw focus to your chest, which, unfortunately, for some men is an open invitation.
Sheer or see-through materials — while trendy — can send the wrong signal in certain places.
Overly tight outfits that leave nothing to the imagination might be better saved for controlled, safer environments.
You don’t need to cover head-to-toe to be respected, but dressing with intention and a sense of self-awareness can be powerful. Ask yourself: “What message am I sending tonight, and to whom?”
Shoes and Practicality
High heels may look stunning, but if you're teetering or can barely walk, you’re physically putting yourself at a disadvantage. Imagine trying to get away quickly if someone made you feel unsafe.
Opt for something that makes you feel confident but also capable. If you're going somewhere unfamiliar, consider whether you could comfortably walk home, run, or move freely. A confident woman is one who’s in control of her body — not being controlled by her fashion.
Makeup and the Message It Sends
Again, makeup is art, expression, and beauty - but extremes can paint a different picture. Heavy makeup, exaggerated lashes, and intense contouring can sometimes suggest you're trying too hard, and unfortunately, some men interpret that as desperation or low self-esteem - which they might try to exploit.
Try to go for looks that are balanced, not overdone. The idea isn’t to dull your sparkle - it’s to shine in the right way.
How You Speak Matters
Confidence is attractive. But loud, brash behaviour can come across as attention-seeking - and sadly, to the wrong man, that’s like blood in the water.
Watch out for these behaviours:
Over-sharing personal information, especially early in conversations.
Flirting too aggressively, particularly when alcohol is involved.
Speaking loudly or being the centre of drama - this might draw eyes, but not the ones you want.
Drunken giggling, touching arms or laps too freely, or speaking in overly sexualised ways.
It’s not about being mute or modest - it’s about maintaining a presence that says, “I’m self-respecting and in control.”
Body Language: The Unspoken Signals
You might be surprised at how much your body language speaks.
Leaning too close, especially with strangers, sends a message of openness.
Playing with your hair, biting your lip, or touching your neck are often read as flirtation.
Making prolonged eye contact and smiling at someone across the room may feel innocent to you - but can be read as an invitation by someone who's not safe.
Be mindful. You can be warm and kind without being suggestive. A calm, poised posture says “I’m confident,” without needing to say a word.
The Danger of Social Media Influence
We’re constantly flooded with influencers and celebs who seem to have it all - perfect bodies, sultry poses, and thousands of likes for every bikini pic. But what you see online doesn’t always translate safely into the real world.
Trying to mimic that kind of hyper-sexual image on a night out could lead you straight into the wrong guy’s path. The online world might reward it with likes - the real world might punish it with threats.
The Reality: When It All Goes Wrong
We can’t ignore the worst-case scenarios. In the UK alone, there have been high-profile cases that began with what seemed like normal nights out. Women like Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa weren’t “asking for it.” They were simply existing. But the tragic truth is that we live in a world where a single misjudgement or bad luck can cost a woman her life.
While we must never blame victims, we must also learn from stories around us. If you’re going out:
Share your location with a trusted friend.
Stay in groups, especially at night.
Don’t accept drinks from strangers - and don’t leave yours unattended.
If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut.
Avoid isolated areas or shortcuts, even if it saves time.
And if someone’s making you uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to speak up. A firm “No, I’m not interested” is your right.
What the “Wrong Guy” Looks Like
Sometimes, the wrong guy isn’t loud, aggressive or obviously creepy. He might seem charming. He might be the “bad boy” type. Or he might flatter you, make you feel seen, and then slowly become controlling.
Red Flags include:
Love bombing - excessive attention early on.
Ignoring your personal space or boundaries.
Getting jealous quickly.
Speaking poorly about other women.
Pressuring you to drink, dance, or go somewhere alone.
Remember: The wrong guy often comes disguised as the right one.
The Difference Between Confidence and Invitation
Here’s the truth: You can be sexy without being suggestive. You can be strong without being aggressive. You can be open without being vulnerable.
The idea isn’t to live in fear or become a shadow of yourself. It’s to move wisely. Present yourself in a way that attracts men who value and respect you, not those who want to use, manipulate or hurt you.
If you're going out and hoping to meet someone genuine:
Dress in a way that flatters, but doesn't scream desperation.
Speak with grace and self-assurance.
Walk with purpose.
Keep your wits about you, even if you've had a drink.
Surround yourself with people who have your back.
A Final Word to the Women Who Want to Show Off
You have every right to feel beautiful, proud, and empowered. But remember: there’s a huge difference between showing off your confidence and putting yourself at risk.
Ask yourself:
Am I dressing for myself or for attention?
Would I feel safe wearing this alone?
Am I behaving in a way that invites connection or chaos?
Is the attention I’m getting the kind I actually want?
There’s nothing wrong with turning heads. But make sure those heads belong to people worth your time - not ones who see you as an easy target.
Conclusion
Ladies, this isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness. It’s about knowing that you can live boldly, have fun, and be unapologetically yourself - while still making smart decisions.
Because the truth is, not all attention is good attention.
And when you start showing up in the world with a balance of confidence and caution, you’ll begin to attract what you truly deserve - not just anyone who notices you, but the right kind of man, at the right time, for the right reasons.
Stay strong, stay wise, and always trust your instincts.
If you know someone who might find this helpful, don’t keep it to yourself—please share it.
You never know how much of a difference it could make in someone’s life.
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